张若虚《春江花月夜》英译对比
广告位 ID:14

张若虚《春江花月夜》英译对比

2015-11-27 20:21:50热度:作者:来源:
广告位 ID:12
广告位 ID:13

话题:春江花月夜翻译 爱情诗 张若虚《春江花月夜》英译对比 

http://bbs.yahoo.cn/read-htm-tid-12546976-ds-1-page-1.html#14732986张若虚《春江花月夜》英译对比资料
(曾冲明2013年1月2日)
春江花月夜
张若虚
春江潮水连海平,海上明月共潮生。
滟滟随波千万里,何处春江无月明?
江流宛转绕芳甸,月照花林皆似霰。
空里流霜不觉飞,汀上白沙看不见。
江天一色无纤尘,皎皎空中孤月轮。
江畔何人初见月?江月何年初照人?
人生代代无穷已,江月年年只相似。
不知江月待何人,但见长江送流水。
白云一片去悠悠,青枫浦上不胜愁。
谁家今夜扁舟子?何处相思明月楼?
可怜楼上月徘徊,应照离人妆镜台。
玉户帘中卷不去,捣衣砧上拂还来。
此时相望不相闻,愿逐月华流照君。
鸿雁长飞光不度,鱼龙潜跃水成文。
昨夜闲潭梦落花,可怜春半不还家。
江水流春去欲尽,江潭落月复西斜。
斜月沉沉藏海雾,碣石潇湘无限路。
不知乘月几人归?落月摇情满江树。
最近我在网上读到两种英译。为了对比,有人将二者逐句并列在一起。
我这里整体地复制这两篇译文如下:
许渊冲译:
The Moon over the River on a Spring Night
Zhang Ruoxu
In spring the river rises as high as the sea,
And with the river's tide uprises the moon bright.
She follows the rolling waves for ten thousand li,
Where the river flows, there overflows her light.
The river winds around the fragrant islet where
The blooming flowers in her light all look like snow.
You cannot tell her beams from hoar frost in the air,
Nor from white sand upon Farewell Beach below.
No dust has stained the water blending with the skies;
A lonely wheel-like moon shines brilliant far and wide.
Who by the riverside did first see the moon rise?
When did the moon first see a man by riverside?
Many generations have come and passed away;
From year to year the moons look alike, old and new.
We do not know tonight for whom she sheds her ray,
But hear the river say to its water adieu.
Away, away is sailing a single cloud white;
On Farewell Beach pine away maples green.
Where is the wanderer sailing his boat tonight?
Who, pining away, on the moonlit rails would learn?
Alas! The moon is lingering over the tower;
It should have seen her dressing table of the fair.
She may roll curtains up, but light is in her bower;
She may wash, but moonbeams still remain on the stone.
She sees the moon, but her husband is out of sight;
She would follow the moonbeams to shine on his face.
But message-bearing swans can't fly out of moonlight,
Nor letter-sending fish can leap out of their place.
He dreamed of flowers falling o’er the pool last night;
Alas! Spring has half gone, but he can’t homeward go.
The water bearing spring will run away in flight;
The moon over the pool will sink low.
In the mist on the sea the slanting moon will hide;
It's a long way from northern hills to southern streams.
How many can go home by moonlight on the tide?
The setting moon sheds o’er riverside trees but dreams.

张庭琛译:
Spring, the River, Flowers, the Moon Night
Zhang Ruo-xu (666-720)

In spring the river swells level with sea,
The bright moon rise mounting the tide.
Waters flash with infinite light.
Where on the spring river is there no bright moon?
The river winds through flower fragrant fields,
Glistening in the moonlight like beads of ice.
Who can see the frost alight,
Or tell the island’s white sand from the moon’s white glow?
The sky, the river—one perfect hue.
Bright, bright—the solitary circle in the sky.
When did the moon first shine on men?
Who first saw the moon from the riverside?
Human beings, generation after generation without end,
See the same river, the same moon:
Does anyone know whom she awaits?
We see only the long river moving on.
A wisp of cloud lingers in the sky
What household tonight has a wanderer adrift upon the tide?
Upon what lonely woman’s roof does the moon shine?
Pitiful, the light playing upon the house,
Moving over the dressing table of one left behind.
Impossible, to brush it off the washing block, or
Rolling down the blinds, to keep it out.
Green Maple Pond!
So far! Unbearable!
Now we only trace each other’s likeness in the moon.
If only I could stream down upon you in the moonlight,
Or send a message by the fish that leaping from the water plungesto
The depth or by the wild goose that soaring high into the skyremains within the brightness.
Last night I dreamt of petals falling
Into the stillness of the pond,
A pity, half the spring—passed without your returning.
Spring! Almost exhausted, swept away with the river’s waters.
Now dim, hidden in a sea of rising mist,
The moon slants westward over the river and the pond.
Endless, the road from Jieshi to the Xiang River.
How many will return by moonlight?
Setting, the moon seems to shake the flowering trees alongthe
River with unquiet thought.
我以前写过两篇文章,但未曾英译。今英译如下:
曾冲明译:
The Moon Shines over Spring River
by Zhang Ruoxu
春江潮水连海平﹐
During spring the tide makes the river as high as the sea,
海上明月共潮生。
Along with the tide the bright moon rises above the sea .
滟滟随波千万里﹐
She makes the waves glitter for thousands of miles,
何处春江无月明。
Where the spring river flows there the moonlight shines.
江流宛转绕芳甸﹐
The river winds around the green islet full of plants
月照花林皆似霰。
In the moonlight look like a frost the fragnant flowers.
空里流光不觉飞﹐
We cannot express how fly in the air the bright beams,
汀上白沙看不见。
We cannot see clearly white sands on beach by the river.
江天一色无纤尘﹐
No dust has stained the waters blending with the skies;
皎皎空中孤月轮。
The moon shines briliant like a single plate made ofsilver.
江畔何人初见月﹐

Did I come to riverside to watch the moon tonight first?
江月何年初照人。
When would the moon see me as a traveler at home first?
人生代代无穷矣﹐
The world continues endless, generation after generation.
江月年年只相似。
The moon shines above the river alike from year to year.
不知江月待何人﹐
But who knows for whom the moon shines bright and wait?
但见长江送流水。
We can see the long river send off its waters foreever.
白云一片去悠悠﹐
And we can just watch the white clouds in the airfloat.
青枫浦上不胜愁。
The riverside with green maples fill my heart with griefs.
谁家今夜扁舟子﹐
Who else sail the little boat on the river tonight besides?
何处相思明月楼。
Where is her chamber in the moonlight and how far is it?
可怜楼上月徘徊﹐
What a pity to watch the moon lingering over her chamber!
应照离人妆镜台。
It should be that she isn't at the dressing at present.
玉户帘中卷不去﹐
The curtain should not be rolled up and the window closed.
捣衣砧上复还来。
She might come out to wash clothes on that bank of river.
此时相望不相闻﹐
We cannot see and hear each other though we look at thebanks.
愿逐月华流照君。
I wish just to follow the moonlight to shine on you, my dear.
鸿燕长飞光不渡﹐
But neither the birds nor the moonlight couldn't send mylove;
鱼龙潜跃水成纹。
I watch the ripples form as the fishes swim under the waters.
昨夜闲潭梦落花﹐
Last night I dreamed of petals falling on our shallow pond.
可怜春半不还家。
I'm sorry I can't be back yet though has gone half a spring.
江水流春去欲尽﹐
The spring comes to the end along with the river flowing.
江潭落月复西斜。
The moon declines again over the deep river right now,
斜月沉沉藏海雾﹐
Where the declining moon sinks into a thick frost;
碣石潇湘无限路。
It's a long way from the Rock Jieshi to the Xiang River.
不知乘月几人归﹐
And how few travelers could return home in the moonlight?
落月摇情满江树。
The setting moon makes the traveler homesick at the greenriverside.
以上是逐句翻译。现整合如下:
The Moon Shines over Spring River
by Zhang Ruoxu

During spring the tide makes the river as high as the sea,
Along with the tide the bright moon rises above the sea .
She makes the waves glitter for thousands of miles,
Where the spring river flows there the moonlight shines.
The river winds around the green islet full of plants
In the moonlight look like a frost the fragnant flowers.
We cannot express how fly in the air the bright beams,
We cannot see clearly white sands on beach by the river.
No dust has stained the waters blending with the skies;
The moon shines briliant like a single plate made ofsilver.
Did I come to riverside to watch the moon tonight first?
When would the moon see me as a traveler at home first
The world continues endless, generation after generation.
The moon shines above the river alike from year to year.
But who knows for whom the moon shines bright and wait?
We can see the long river send off its waters foreever.
And we can just watch the white clouds in the airfloat.
The riverside with green maples fill my heart with griefs.
Who else sail the little boat on the river tonight besides?
Where is her chamber in the moonlight and how far is it?
What a pity to watch the moon lingering over her chamber!
It should be that she isn't at the dressing at present.
The curtain should not be rolled up and the window closed.
She might come out to wash clothes on that bank of river.
We cannot see and hear each other though we look at thebanks.
I wish just to follow the moonlight to shine on you, my dear.
But neither the birds nor the moonlight couldn't send my lov
I watch the ripples form as the fishes swim under the waters.
Last night I dreamed of petals falling on our shallow pond.
I'm sorry I can't be back yet though has gone half a spring
The spring comes to the end along with the river flowing
The moon declines again over the deep river right now
Where the declining moon sinks into a thick frost;
It's a long way from the Rock Jieshi to the Xiang River.
And how few travelers could return home in the moonlight?
The setting moon makes the traveler homesick at the greenriverside.
【附】曾冲明旧稿:
许渊冲教授英译《春江花月夜》研读与详析
张若虚《春江花月夜》这首诗,几年前我泛读过许老的英语译文。这是许老自己十分欣
赏与重视的译品,多次放置在序言的位置,并附有一位世界名人的赞许。包括2008年出
版的《续忆似水年华》(是长江文艺出版社出版的那本,不是半年后三联书店出的那本
),也是这样安排的。最近我研读了许老的韵文英译。同时还读到许老全文引用的
Charbles Budd 1912年的译品。Charbles Budd也是主张自然押韵的,因为译文只有少
数几行在末尾“押韵”(即同音节);可能是由于外国人理解原文的难度问题,个别地
方似乎未必切合原文;但从英语的通顺与地道来说,显然非我们中国翻译家可比。
现在分节逐句地研读分析许老的译文,难免不妥与错误,请予批评指正。
春江花月夜
张若虚
春江潮水连海平﹐海上明月共潮生。
滟滟随波千万里﹐何处春江无月明。
A Moonlit Night on the Spring River
By zhang Ruoxu
In spring the river rises as high as the sea,
And with the river's rise the moon uprises bright.
She follows the rolling waves for ten thousand li,
And where the river flows there overflows her light.
“何处春江无月明”意译出“春江在哪里流,哪里就流淌或溢出月光。”rise在第一行
是动词,在第二行是名词;uprise vi. 通常表示起床、起身;起义、暴动;诗里可以
表示日月的“升起”,但the moon uprises bright. 加用bright,是为了跟light押韵。
江流宛转绕芳甸﹐月照花林皆似霰。
空里流光不觉飞﹐汀上白沙看不见。
The river winds around the fragrant islet where
The blooming flowers in her light all look like snow.
You cannot tell her beams from hoar frost in the air,
Nor from white sand upon the farewell Beach below.
这一段是意译;wind是动词,在主句中作谓语,表示“蜿蜒绕行”。“月照花林皆似霰
”译成从句(where)
The blooming flowers in her light all look like snow.“霰”意译成snow“雪”
,跟below押韵;但这里用the farewell Beach below翻译,不知根据什么?合适吗?
而且,the farewell Beach还是像下文那样写成Farewell Beach?另外,这里写hoar
frost,用英语写的Commentary里,却用hoary frost;看来译者本人对自己的英语也像
是犹豫不决,举棋不定。
江天一色无纤尘﹐皎皎空中孤月轮。
江畔何人初见月﹐江月何年初照人。
No dust has stained the water blending with the skies;
A lonely wheel-like moon shines briliant far and wide.
Who by the riverside first saw the moon arise?
When did the moon first see a man by riverside?
成语far and wide(到处,各地)用得好,因为wide还可以跟riverside押韵。
为了“押韵”而用复数skies,此处用得不错(虽然离现代口语远了点),因为它表示
“天色、天气”;比如in the sky里,就不能换成复数skies;我再引用两句诗作为例
证:
拜伦爱情诗《She Walks in Beauty》开头四行写:
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
这里就用了复数skies,表示“天色”,即“天空的景色”;
约翰.济兹《On First Looking into Chapman’s Homer》中间部分也出现这种用法:
Then fell I like soe wwatcher of the skies
When a new planet swims into his ken;
Or like stout Cottez when with eagle eyhes
He start’d at the Pacific and all his men.
有趣的是:这两处,都是skies与eyes照应并押韵。原来天空的景色在吸引诗人的眼球
啊!
人生代代无穷矣﹐江月年年只相似。
不知江月待何人﹐但见长江送流水。
Ah, generations have come and past away;
From year to year the moons look alike, old and new.
We do not know tonight for whom she sheds her ray,
But hear the river say to its water adieu.
有两个英语问题。ray(光线)多用复数,如果用单数,前面要用a;“月亮”译成复数
moons,对吗?old and new修饰moons好吗?
adieu感叹词,表示“再见“;用来意译“但见长江送流水。”
白云一片去悠悠﹐青枫浦上不胜愁。
谁家今夜扁舟子﹐何处相思明月楼。
Away, away is sailing a single cloud white;
On Farewell Beach are pining away maples green.
Where is the wanderer sailing his boat tonight?
Who, pining away on the moonlight rails would lean?
the moonlight rails对吗? pine vi憔悴, 消瘦;对人用pine away “消瘦”,枫树
难道也用pine away “消瘦”?我前面提到过Farewell Beach根据什么?
最后一句在语法上有问题:
Who, pining away on the moonlight rails would lean?
可怜楼上月徘徊﹐应照离人妆镜台。
玉户帘中卷不去﹐捣衣砧zhn上复还来。
Alas! The moon is lingering over the tower,
It should have seen the dressing table of the fair.
She rolls the curtain up and light comes in her bower;
She washes but can’t wash away the moonbeams there.
直译原文,基本表达了原文意思,中国读者容易接受。
此时相望不相闻﹐愿逐月华流照君。
鸿燕长飞光不渡﹐鱼龙潜跃水成纹。
She sees the moon, but her beloved is out of sight;
She’d follow it to shine on her beloved one’s face.
But message bearing swans can’t fly out of moonlight,
Nor letter-sending fish can leap out of their place.
后两行或后两句直译原文“鸿燕长飞光不渡﹐鱼龙潜跃水成纹。”但message bearing
swans不合乎英语语法;而半复合词letter-sending 在词典里也找不到。
昨夜闲潭梦落花﹐可怜春半不还家。
江水流春去欲尽﹐江潭落月复西斜。
Last night he dreamed that falling flowers would not stay,
Alas! He can’t go home although half spring has gone.
The running water bearing spring will pass away;
The moon declinging over the pool will sink anon.
译文一直保持四行。直译原文,基本表达了原文意思,中国读者容易接受。但half
spring has gone不地道;后两句的分词与将来式的用法,就值得商榷。原来也与押韵
有关,第四行用副词anon(以后,不久以后)为了跟gone押韵,于是只好相应地两次用
will表示“将来式”了!
斜月沉沉藏海雾﹐碣石潇湘无限路。
不知乘月几人归﹐落月摇情满江树。
The moon declining sinks into a heavy mid;
It’s a long way between South River and East Sea.
How many can go home by moonlight who are missed?
The sinking moon sheds yearning o’er riverside tree.
“斜月沉沉藏海雾”为何译成The moon declining sinks into a heavy mid?a heavymid表示什么意思呢?
总之,许老的译文参考与借鉴了别人的译文,但自己也费了功夫,特别是让每行末尾押
韵,难能可贵。在许老的诸多译品中,应该说是较好的。但也还是有多处英语错误。特
别是语言显得不怎么地道,有中国式英语之嫌。【再附】
刚才找到我以前从网上看到一篇未见署名的译文,复制如下:
SpringRiver's Flowery Moon-Night
As Spring River surges to sea-level height,
The moon arises from sea with swelling tides
To glisten on waves for thousands of miles
Till the river is awash withmoonlight.
While the river wanders round the fresh strand,
All flowers under moonlight turned snow-white,
Unnoticed in the air is frost in flight,
Invisible in the field is white sand.
With the lonely moon in firmament bright
And the river as speckless white as the sky
Who's first to see the moon on the riverside?
And when did the moon on man first shedlight?
As endless are the offsprings of mankind,
Years after years the moon looks all alike,
For whom is it on the river standing by
As waters leave the banks far, farbehind?
Like a piece of white cloud drifting away
That can't appease sorrow at Qingfeng bay,
Whose man tonight rowing the boat is he?
Where in moon-lit bower love-sick is she?
Grieve for the bower haunted with moonlight
That should reflect upon her toilet stand,
That draperies can't draw up out of sight,
And that can't be smashed by her laundryband.
Since we share the same sight rather than sound,
I'd chase the moonshine that flows upon you,
As flying swans are but in moonlight found
And diving fish only leave ripples inview.
Last night of petals falling to a lagoon
I dreamed, yet haven't been home for half a spring,
Oh, spring will flow away with river's stream,
As west o'er the lagoon now sets themoon.
The moon now sunk beneath the misty sea,
Vast from Jieshi to Xiaoxiang it must be,
Has anyone gone home by treading moonlight
That trembles feelingly on a river-tree?

广告位 ID:15
广告位 ID:16
广告位 ID:17
广告位 ID:9
广告位 ID:10
广告位 ID:11
广告位 ID:11